Ace Ventura: Pet Detective quotes

Ace Ventura: If I'm not back in five minutes...just wait longer.

Mr. Shickadance: Venturaaahhh!

Ace Ventura: Yes, Satan? [Turns around.] Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.

Melissa: You really love animals, don't you?

Ace Ventura: If it gets cold enough.

Lois Einhorn: Listen, pet dick. How would you like me to make your life a living hell?

Ace Ventura: Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then.

Ace Ventura: I'm looking for Ray Finkle...

[A shotgun cocks and is pointed at his head.]

Ace Ventura: ...and a clean pair of shorts.

Sexy Woman: Thank you, Mr. Ventura. How can I ever repay you?

Ace: Well, a reward would be good. There was some damage to my car. It's a high performance machine, so I had to fill it with premium.

[The woman interrupts Ace by kissing him.]

Sexy Woman: Would you like for me to take your pants off instead?

Ace: Gee, let me think. Um, sure.

Aguado: Hey. Hey, Ventura. Make any good collars, lately?

Cop: Or were they leashes?

[Everyone laughs at Ace. Ace laughs and turns around.]

Aguado: Uh-oh!

[Aguado sees a bug scampering across the floor and steps on it.]

Aguado: Homicide, Ventura. Now how you gonna solve that one?

Ace: That's a good question, Aguado. First I'd establish a motive. In this case, the killer saw the size of the bug's dick, and became insanely jealous. Then I'd lose thirty pounds, porking his wife.

Ace: I never take my work home with me.

Mr. Shickadance: Oh yeah, then what's all this pet food for?

Ace: Fibre?

Ace Ventura: Aaalll righty then.

Batman Forever quotes

The Riddler: Riddle me this. Riddle me that. Who's afraid of the big black bat?

The Riddler: Why can't I kill you? Too many questions. Too many questions.

Batman: Poor Edward. I had to save them both. You see, I'm both Bruce Wayne and Batman. Not because I have to be. Now, because I choose to be.

The Riddler: Now, the real game begins.

Val Kilmer: Wait I have a riddle for you.

The Riddler: For me? Really? Tell me.

Val Kilmer: I see without seeing. To me, darkness is as clear as daylight. What am I?

The Riddler: Oh please. You're blind as a bat!

Val Kilmer: Exactly!

Bruce Almighty quotes

Bruce: God, why do you hate me?

Dumb and Dumber quotes

Lloyd: This didn't come out of our travel fund.

Harry: Oh.

Lloyd: Yeah, I was able to raise 25 extra bucks before we left.

Harry: Where did you get 25 extra bucks?

Lloyd: I sold some stuff, to Billy Enforsee.

Harry: The blind kid?

Lloyd:(Laughing) Yeah, yeah.

Harry: What did you sell him Lloyd?

Lloyd: You know, stuff.

Harry: What kinda stuff?

Lloyd: Few baseball cards, a sack of marbles, (coughs) Petey.

Harry: Petey? You sold my dead bird to a blind kid? Lloyd, wh- he- wha- Petey didn't even have a head!

Lloyd: Harry, I took care of it.

Lloyd: What do you mean you don't bet? Wussy! Wussy!

Harry: I never have and I never will.

Lloyd: Yeah, right. I bet you twenty bucks I can get you gambling before the end of the day.

Harry: No way.

Lloyd: I give you three to one odds.

Harry: No.

Lloyd: Five to one?

Harry: No.

Lloyd Ten to one?

Harry: You're on.

[Lloyd and Harry both shake hands and smile.]

Lloyd: I'm gonna get you.

Harry: Nuh-uh.

Lloyd: I don't know how, but I'm gonna get you.

Harry: Nuh-uh.

Harry: Why would she have you meet her in a bar at 10 in the morning?

Lloyd: I just figured she was a raging alcoholic!

Harry: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.

Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas quotes

The Grinch: Any calls?

Grinch's Answering Machine: You have no messages.

The Grinch: Odd. Better check the outgoing.

Grinch's outgoing message: IF YOU UTTER SO MUCH AS ONE SYLLABLE, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key.

The Grinch: Hmm. Hmm. Oh well.

Cindy Lou Who: Santa, what's the meaning of Christmas?

The Grinch: VENGEANCE! I mean... presents... I suppose.

The Grinch: And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast. They'll eat their Who-Pudding and rare Who-Roast Beast. But there's something I just cannot stand in least... Oh no. I'M SPEAKING IN RHYME!

The Grinch: The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there - and on such short notice. Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it. Four o'clock, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one. 5:30, jazzercize. 6:30, dinner with me. I can't cancel that again. 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing; I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9 I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?

The Grinch: That's what it's all about right? That's what it's always been about! Gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts! Do you know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me...in your garbage. Do you see what I'm saying here? IN YOUR GARBAGE! I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump! And the avarice...[points to mayor] The avarice never ends! "I want golf clubs!" "I want diamonds!" "I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored, and send it away to make glue!" Look, I don't wanna make waves here, but this WHOLE Christmas season is STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! There is however, one teeny, tiny, Christmas tradition that I find quite meaningful [snatches mistletoe from ring case] Mistletoe. [Turns around and shouts] SO PUCKER UP AND KISS IT, WHOVILLE!

The Grinch: We're gonna die! We're gonna die! I'm gonna throw up, and then I'm gonna die! Mommy tell it to stop!

The Grinch: How dare you enter the Grinch's lair!? The insolence! The audacity! The unmitigated gall!

Liar Liar quotes

Fletcher Reede: New in the building?

Woman in elevator: Yes. I just moved in Monday.

Fletcher Reede: Oh. Do you like it so far?

Woman in elevator: Oh yes. Everyone's been real nice to me.

Fletcher Reede: Well, that's because you have big jugs.

[Both the woman and Fletcher are totally shocked at what he just said.]

Fletcher Reede: I mean your boobs are huge. I mean I want to squeeze them.

[Still aghast at what he's saying.]

Fletcher Reede: Mama.

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Fletcher Reede: It depends on how long you were following me!

Cop: Why don't we just start from the top?

Fletcher Reede: Here it goes. I sped, I followed too closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a Chevy, I sped some more, I failed to yield at a crosswalk, I changed lanes at an intersection, I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEDING!

Cop: Is that all?

Fletcher Reede: [Forced] No. I have unpaid parking tickets.

Fletcher Reede: Your Honor, I object!

Judge Stevens: Why?

Fletcher Reede: Because it's devastating to my case!

Judge Stevens: Overruled.

Fletcher Reede: Good call!

Homeless Drunk: Do you have any spare change mister?

Fletcher Reede: Yes, I do.

Homeless Drunk: Well, can I have some?

Fletcher Reede: No!

Homeless Drunk: Why not?

Fletcher Reede: Because I believe you will buy booze with it. I just want to get from my car to my office without being confronted by the decay of Western society. Plus, I'm cheap!

(man in bathroom): What are you doing?

Fletcher Reede: I'm kicking my ass!

(Fletcher is beating himself up in the bathroom when a man walks in)

Man: What the hell are you doing?

Fletcher Reede: I'm kicking my ass. Do you mind?

Fletcher Reede: [on the phone]STOP BREAKING THE LAW, LOSER!

The Truman Show quotes

Truman Burbank: Good morning! And in case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!

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