Brick Tamland: I love...carpet. I love...desk.

Ron Burgundy: Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?

Brick Tamland: I love lamp.

Ron Burgundy: Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?

Brick Tamland: I love lamp. I love lamp.

Veronica Corningstone: Take me to Pleasure Town.

Ron Burgundy: Oh, we're going there.

Frank Vitchard: I am gonna straight-up murder your ass.

Brick: I don't know what we're yelling about!

Ron Burgundy: Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?

Brian Fantana: Brian Fantana.

Champ Kind: Champ Kind.

Brick Tamland: Brian Fantana.

Brian Fantana: No, you're Brick.

Brick Tamland: Brian.

Brian Fantana: I'm Brian.

Brick Tamland: Veronica.

Announcer: You're watching Channel 4 News, with five time Emmy award winning anchor Ron Burgundy, and Tits McGee.

Veronica: Good evening, San Diego. I'm Veronica Corningstone. Tits McGee is on vacation.

Ron: And I'm Tits... I'm Ron Burgundy.

Veronica: Mr. Burgundy, you have a massive erection.

Ron: Oh yeah, about that, it's probably just the pants, I was meaning to take them back to the, uh, pants store.

Veronica Corningstone: For the entire Channel 4 news team, I'm Veronica Corningstone.

Ron Burgundy: And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego.

Ron: Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean that really got out of hand fast!

Brian: It jumped up a notch.

Ron: It did, didn't it?

Brick: Yea, I stabbed a man in the heart.

Ron: I saw that! Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?

Brick: Yea, there were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident.

Ron: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safe house or a relative close by because you're probably wanted for murder.

Ron Burgundy: [Talking to dog] You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered with hair.

Veronica Corningstone: My God, what is that smell? Oh!

Brian Fantana: That's the smell of desire, my lady.

Veronica Corningstone: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper, filled with Indian food! Oh, excuse me.

Brian Fantana: You know, desire smells like that to some people.

Garth Holliday: What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.

News worker: Smells like Bigfoot's dick!

Ron Burgundy: Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diago, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.

Veronica Corningstone: No, there's no way that's correct.

Ron Burgundy: I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.

Veronica Corningstone: Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?

Ron Burgundy: No. No.

Veronica Corningstone: No, that's what it means. Really.

Ron Burgundy: Agree to disagree.

Ron Burgundy: You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy?

Ed Harken: Dammit! Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter?

Brian Fantana: Ron, I know it sounds harsh, but God does not want her to live.

[Arguing against women in the newsroom.]

Brick Tamland: I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.

Brian Fantana: Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.

Brian Fantana: I think I was in love once.

Ron Burgundy: Really? What was her name?

Brian Fantana: I don't remember.

Ron Burgundy: That's not a good start, but keep going.

Brian Fantana: She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.

Ron Burgundy: I'm pretty sure that's not love.

Brian Fantana: Damn it!